The Black Hole©
Your Source of Nosey News©

Saturday July 01, 2000

Happy Canada Day!

Welcome to Issue 9 of The Black Hole©, your source of Nosey News©, and welcome to summer vacation for the kids. We all know that come two weeks from now, we will wake to the sing-song "Mom I'm bored, what can I do, is there any food in the house, so-and-so is bugging me, can I have a dog?, I'm bored".
Now, I realize we all like vacations, but 8 weeks? There is something to be said for year-round schooling. I would personally appreciate it, being as summer break was set up when farmers needed their kids home to do WORK, and as I do not have a farm, I guess this whole concept just doesn't make sense to me. I would much prefer two weeks here and there, it would certainly save the wear-and-tear on our houses, and we would get away from everyone's favourite chore - back to school shopping. Feel free to send any comments or ideas you might have about this. Who knows who's reading this, maybe something will come of it...
Now that I've said my piece, I can mention the fireworks on Wed. night. Spectacular as usual, noisy as expected, and filled with the memories of childhood as I watched and listened to my own kids oohing and ahhing. Hope you who live in Windsor got to see them... 

Disclaimer: There is no intention of maliciousness involved with this newsletter, only the pursuit of the comedy and tragedy of our everyday lives…

 On the Home Front...

Laura graduated with honours on Tuesday. How proud we are. I must say she looked fabulous in her black gown, she let me do her makeup and hair, and some people didn't even recognize her as she looked like she just walked off a magazine cover...I hear that she danced every dance that night...I didn't want the details... 

Jordan got an A+ in Science. Their big project was the rocks and minerals. Alright, so we guessed well...

Adam got three A's on his report card. He is anxiously awaiting a book-burning party at his friends' house. He also became a Magic© Guru, which means if anyone wants to learn to play, let him know and he'll be glad to teach you the game.

Mike is working consistently. He seems to get the job done faster than most and so is always pulling jobs from the tomorrow pool and working lots of overtime.

Thought for Your Sanity

Do something for yourself. Vote for year-round schooling. 

First Edition Issue 9

  Faces in the News 


"Napping in Johnson Canyon"

(Think I should lose some weight?)

Hot Links

Rebecca's Garden

Hit Box
(loads of MP3s)

email the editor with your Nosey News, complaints, compliments...
[email protected]

Quick Wit...

Dear Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer. YeR FReND,   BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawn care specialist. How 'bout I send you a freaking book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!
Santa

Life in the Big City

Late Breaking Story from TO: Vivi has called, seems they weren't missing after all. Trying to be the wonderful daughter, she (in the middle of her busy schedule) researched and booked a resort week in Arizona for herself and my mom, who decided it just wasn't worth the effort to go as she would have to call and cancel her newspaper delivery for the week. Instead, mom will be going to TO for a week to visit...I guess this makes the phone call less strenuous.

Cindy and Lenny 's cat must have really missed them while they were gone. He was so happy to see them again that he croaked, right there in his litter box...Yuck!

Life in the Small City

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAURIE!!! We hope your year is filled with happiness and that you get to sleep in past 5 am at least twice.

Joke of the Week
(from Gwen)

It was George's last day on the job as a postman after 35 years of delivering the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. 
When he arrived at the first house on his route George was greeted by the whole family there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope with a hundred dollar bill. 
At the second house the owners presented him with a box of fine Cuban cigars. 
The folks at the third house, knowing he was an avid fisherman, handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. 
At the fourth house George was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, beckoning him in, closing the door behind them, leading him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever 
experienced. 
When he had enough, they went downstairs, where she then fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge." All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she 
said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. 
He said, 'Fuck him. Give him a dollar.' -- The breakfast was my idea." 

Brag Box

Laura's Graduation Accomplishments:

Honours
Top  English Student
Christian Fellowship Award

She received a medal and two trophies. Way to go Laura!!!!

Letters to the Editor

Dear Editor,
Will you ever have articles written by other people? I really enjoyed the article by Mike Saddlebags Weingust.
Would Like to See It

Dear Would Like to See It,
Sure. Get off your lazy a$$ and send us something.

Dear Editor,
Are you always a nasty, sarcastic person?
Name Withheld

Dear Name,
Yes.

Down on the Farm...

Wes:    -honors plaque
            -outstanding attendance award
Shane: Pat Palmer commendation certificate        (which is an award for consistent effort and achievement)
            -Phys. Ed. Award.
Jeremy: -Platinum award for all marks above 90.(When his school called the first time they left a message about the award and mentioned that we have to be there early and we have to dress up...Mark thought that is a good reason to go out and buy a new hat!!! He is such a Redneck!!)

Prozac™ Moment of the Week

We rushed to the mall after picking Jordan up from a party, got on a bus driven by a typical psycho-driver, walked five blocks or so, set up our chairs in a fantastic spot amongst the estimated one million people, 'someone' turns to me and says "Mom I Really Have to GO"... 

The Black Hole Archives