The Black Hole©
Your Source of Nosey News©

Monday June 26, 2000

Whole Class Aces Microsoft VB Exam

Welcome to Issue 8 of The Black Hole©, your source of Nosey News©. The editor is, again, grateful and humbled by the loyal weekly readership.
As you are aware, I have passed the VB exam and am now a Microsoft Certified Professional (I'm certified alright...). But the big news here is that the whole class passed and I have to tell you, I did not get the highest mark. Congratulations to everyone, thanx to the teacher, and a standing ovation to Shari, who got 100%! And I didn't even cry! I must be maturing as you all know how competitive I can be...
With that thought, let me tell you that I have met someone more competitive than I, more petty than the "older generation", and whose social skills could be improved upon by taking lessons from a three year old. I will not mention names, some of you know who I'm talking about...Oh to be able to do my Three-in-One right now...

Disclaimer: There is no intention of maliciousness involved with this newsletter, only the pursuit of the comedy and tragedy of our everyday lives…

 On the Home Front...

Laura is graduating from grade eight on Tuesday. I feel old. I also had to warn her this week that I better not be getting any gray hair this summer, what with her wanting to have friends that are ...ooh, I can't even say it ... B..O..Y..S... 

Jordan is already thoroughly bored with the summer. Any suggestions? (I already checked out military school)

Adam went to the U of W and bowling for his end-of-the-year field trip. Considering how we live in an area full of historical sites, you have to wonder how good the teachers' imaginations are...

Mike is still fine. End of story.

Thought for Your Sanity

(selection from Oprah)
Take at least 5 minutes a day for yourself and your thoughts. Even if you have to hide in the bathroom to do it. Been there, done that... 

First Edition Issue 8

  Faces in the News 

"Stone-Age or Stoned?"

(can you guess who this is?)

Hot Links

http://passthison.com/sketch
(OK, this has been here for 3 weeks. I insist that YOU try this as it is UNBELIEVABLE how this technology works. It will not be replaced till EVERYONE has tried it!)

Online With Oprah

Cedar Point Amusement Park, The Roller Coaster Capital of the World!
(we'll be there in 2 weeks!)

email the editor with your Nosey News, complaints, compliments...
[email protected]

 

Life in the Big City

Late Breaking Story from TO: Vivi, Finn and baby Kailee are reported to be missing in action as of their return from Denmark. The editorial staff have been trying desperately to make any kind of contact with the family, to no avail. If any of the readership has heard from any of the above, please notify the editor as we are running out of stories...

Cindy and Lenny had a wonderful honeymoon in some little town I-can't-remember-the-name-of. Little Faith did not even experience jet-lag and stayed on her sleep-for-12-hours-straight-a-night-lucky-Cindy schedule, so they were able to get out and have some fun. Glad to be home though, seems their dog ran out of food and had to eat the cat food...and some of you know what that can do.

Life in the Small City

A certain person in school (we won't say that it's Shari), was going to bring a "friend" to our VB celebration. Who is he?? She will not tell, but I have done some "nosing" and I believe his name is Dan. What does he look like? I don't know yet, but I will be sending out my "moniter-cam" (Angelika) this week to get the picture. I know the suspense is killing everyone, so stay tuned to find out more...

 

Joke of the Week
(from Karen- dedicated to teacher Mike)

Top Ten Signs You're at a Bad McDonald's:

10. Your "Quarter Pounder" has a long, thin tail. 

9. The kid serving you has grill marks on his forehead. 

8. Sign out front reads, "No shirt, no shoes, no reason you 
can't get a job here." 

7. Their Mayor McCheese was caught in a hotel room smoking crack. 

6. Blocking the drive-thru is the bloated body of Wendy's 
founder Dave Thomas. 

5. Manager takes a bite out of every burger to make sure it's okay. 

4. In his photo, employee of the month is holding a mug shot number. 

3. You spill vanilla shake and it burns a hole right through your pants. 

2. A guy dressed as Ronald McDonald keeps asking to touch your food. 

1. Their slogan: "Did somebody say 'E Coli'?" 

Brag Box

Letters to the Editor

Dear Editor,
Who do you think you are, some special literary genius, some big-time comedian?
Not Impressed

Dear Not Impressed,
Yes. Get over it.

'Dar Editor,
ma trousers aw all a-skitter, wat with yo pleasin testemoanial ta ma' life, ma wife, my chillun and ma farm. y'all have gotchyerself a dedicuated fan fo life.
'Ol McMarky

Dear Old McMarky,
Glad to hear it. Get over yourself.

Down on the Farm...

Karen's dad, who went to stay with her brother, for reasons known to some of us- but I am not at liberty to say right now, decided to go back home while her mom is vacationing in New York. Hopefully there won't be any big surprises coming home in the luggage...
Don't stress out Karen, we're all praying for him...

(have you guessed that Faces in the News pic of the week is Karen and Mark???)

Prozac™ Moment of the Week

The tickets are bought, the van-rental and hotel are reserved, we are on our way to Cedar Point with my mom...   

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