The Black Hole©
Your Source of Nosey News©

Thursday June 22, 2000

CERTAIN PERSON GETS MCP

Here it is,  issue 7 of The Black Hole©, your source of Nosey News©. The editor is, again, grateful for the loyal weekly readership.
I have survived my first Microsoft certification. I was even brave enough to "go first" and finished with 95.7%. Hooray for me. (If I'm making you sick, get over it-email the editor)
I realize I promised to have the updates in by Sunday,  I've been extremely busy procrastinating and such. Now this batch of stress is over, perhaps I can actually get something done...
I spent a lovely evening with Laurie, Tammy and Moe at the Oprah Forum on Monday. It was exciting to say the least and we were all given a lovely book bag filled with goodies. That woman knows how to treat her fans, as well as being a great speaker with really good ideas...

Disclaimer: There is no intention of maliciousness involved with this newsletter, only the pursuit of the comedy and tragedy of our everyday lives…

 On the Home Front...

Laura had fun at camp. She didn't get sunburned, she only received one horse-fly bite. The students spent the week participating in survival-type nature games. Glad she had fun. Grade 8 graduation is next Tuesday, and we will be partaking of a family. 

This week, Jordan had to write his autobiography. When we were young, did we even know how to spell that??? He got a good mark for his rock project. Thank you mummy...

Adam made a really nice wall hanging in school this week. It entailed use of a hammer and nails and is definitely something I wouldn't have had him doing... 

Mike is fine. End of story.

First Edition Issue 7

  Faces in the News 

"Reckless"

(can you pick Mike out ?)

Hot Links

www.exn.com
(check out the Forensics link...gross)

http://passthison.com/sketch
(Have YOU tried this yet? It will not be replaced till everyone has tried it!)

email the editor with your Nosey News, complaints, compliments...
[email protected]

Thought for Your Sanity

(selection from Oprah)
Changing your life can be as easy as sitting down everyday and writing out five things that you are grateful for...Try it. 

Life in the Big City

Viv, Finn and Kailee are back from their big trip to Denmark. I haven't got a whole lot of input from them for this article, so I will make some of this up. Kailee had her christening in the same 960 year old church that her parents were married in. I wish I could have been there with them. I would have loved to see FaFa and FaMor's faces when they met her. (These would be Kailee's great-grandparents, absolutely wonderful people.) This editor knows that Finn would have been sneaking out at night to get his favourite snack, one of the lovely orange hot-dogs so famous over there.

 

Joke of the Week
(from Kathy Thompson)

PMS (from a Woman's perspective)

1. How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT.
They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID )(*(*^*&% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN.

WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!!

IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!!

IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS...

Prozac™ Moment of the Week

The operating room lights are dim. The nurses are doing prep. The anesthesiologist is preparing to insert the drugs into the IV, when all of a sudden, the surgeon decides to begin the operation......  

Brag Box

97.5%!!!

Letters to the Editor

Dear Editor,
You are the most awesome editor I have ever read. Your articles are quite amusing as well as philosophical in nature. I look forward to the weekly paper as it is my only source of Nosey News.
Your Admirer

Dear Admirer,
Thank you for the compliments. Although I agree with you completely, I still say "Get a life".

Down on the Farm...

Old McMarky had a farm, eieio
And on this farm he had a wife, eieio
With a "you who" here and a "you who" there, here a "you" there a "who"
everywhere a "you who"
Old McMarky had a farm, eieio.

Old McMarky had a farm, eieio
And on this farm he had some kids, eieio
With a "can I" here and a "can I" there,            here a "can" there an "I"
everywhere a "can I"
Old McMarky had a farm, eieio.

Old McMarky had a farm, eieio
And on this farm he had some horses, a steer, a gigantic dog, three goats, some really weird chickens, about a hundred cats, and of course the local prairie dogs, eieio
Glad its not me who has to clean up after 'um!
Old McMarky had a farm, eieio.

Quick Wit:

I'm very loyal in a relationship. Any relationship. When I go out with my mom, I don't look at other moms. I don't go "Ooooh, I wonder what her macaroni and cheese tastes like."
-- Garry Shandling

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