The Black Hole©
Your Source of Nosey News©

Friday June 23, 2000

Summer Fun

A BIG welcome to our new readership...Steve and Lou-Ann( if I spelled it wrong...get over it...mail the editor...).
Already at issue 6 of The Black Hole©, your source of Nosey News©. The editor is grateful for the loyal weekly readership.
By next week I should be caught up and uploading on Sundays again. Summer has definitely arrived in most parts of North America. I've been sweating for about a week now. (Too much information? Mail the Editor!)
School is almost out for all the young children. The editor sends blessings and prayers for the sanity of all mothers and fathers out there. Meanwhile, she will be studiously partaking of the Visual Basic Exam, and two new courses over the summer holidays. Yippee-I-O-cowpaddy...

Disclaimer: There is no intention of maliciousness involved with this newsletter, only the pursuit of the comedy and tragedy of our everyday lives…

 On the Home Front...

Laura is off and running to Camp Tawingo in Muskoka for her grade 8 field trip. Had to bring her to school for 5 am this morning. Hope she has fun, but not too much fun...

Jordan had a "rocks and minerals" project due while we were away. In our haste to get it done on time, we went to the library to find classifications for all the rocks we collected. Every book was gone, so we tried the internet. 7hours and not one rock that resembled what we were looking for. So, we made the names up. Stay tuned for his mark...

Adam got his homework done...

Mike will be out of commission for a few days this weekend, you know how it can be with the big V...we'll keep you posted on his recovery (like you care...)

First Edition Issue 6

    
Does this look familiar?????

Hot Links

www.kinderart.com
(this has some awesome crafts)

www.exn.com
(check out the Forensics link...gross)

www.camarades.com
(view cameras, MST, keyword: sschamp)
This is Dave Online!

http://passthison.com/sketch
(Have YOU tried this yet?)

email the editor with your Nosey News, complaints, compliments...
[email protected]

Joke of the Week
from Lou-Ann

Crisis Center Automated Phone Menu

Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities press 3,4,5 and 6.

If you are paranoid we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so that we can trace your call.

If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive it doesn't matter which number you press no-one will answer.

If you are dyslexic press 9696969696969696969.

If you have a nervous disorder please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, SIN and your mothers' maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder slowly and carefully press 000.

If you have short term memory loss press 9.

If you have short term memory loss press 9.

If you have short term memory loss press 9.

If you have low self-esteem please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

The Cowboy Way
(from Karen 'cause she know all about it...)

Brag Box

Oh what a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts...
 

(Had to re-enter this one, I really like it)

Letters to the Editor

Dear Editor,
Is this the MOST exciting stuff that everyone can come up with...is Viv's life so settled that you have to fill your paper with bitch cat news???
Good jokes though!
Eva Gabor

Dear Eva,
Get over it.

Down on the Farm...

Not much news has come this way, though we send our deepest sympathy to Karen's brother for the loss of his wife Sue, and to our friends Belinda, Shirlene and Bob for the loss of Shirley. Our prayers are with you all.

Prozac™ Moment of the Week

It's 5 a.m., we just spent 4 hours on a looonngg flight to T.O., walked very quickly about 1/2 a mile carrying 200 lbs of luggage through the airport, we get comfy on our connecting flight, going down the runway, when lo and behold we hear "This is the Captain. We are heading back to the terminal as there are warning lights flashing that a door is not closing properly. We should have it repaired in about 4 or 5 minutes."...