The Black Hole©
Your Source of Nosey News©

Friday June 23, 2000

Howdie!

Welcome to issue 5 of The Black Hole©, your source of Nosey News©. The editor is back and just "plum full of stories" from the Wild, Wild West.
We spent the first part of our stay with Cindy, Lenny and Baby Faith, preparing for and attending the wedding. I have never in my life seen people so calm, cool and collected, someone tell Dial. We may have found the new spokes-family.
Three glorious rain and snow-filled days were had in Banff National Park, a stunning place no matter what the weather. Wild animals crossed our paths on numerous occasions, but we fared well, not having been attacked once, although a certain person got a real good talking to by the other person after running off down a cliff to get a "good picture".
The last part off our vacation was spent "down on the farm", that's right folks, first-hand stories and news from Karen and Mark's. And of course no trip to Alberta would be complete without visits to the lively towns of Okotoks, Black Diamond, and High River.
Sadly, Mike became an honorary Albertan on the way to the airport...

Disclaimer: There is no intention of maliciousness involved with this newsletter, only the pursuit of the comedy and tragedy of our everyday lives…

 On the Home Front...

The kids, somewhat exhausted from the trip, are back at school. Laura is writing her Royal Conservatory exam on Tuesday. Good luck Laura.

Mike did a wonderful job at Cindy's wedding. He played a song while the attendants walked up the aisle, as well as "Here Comes the Bride" and the accompaniment to my singing (which we won't discuss here). He also looked darn good in his dress-up clothes.

First Edition Issue 5

    
Suddenly, the car was surrounded by two-headed beasts...

Hot Links

www.banff.com
(this is actually Lake Louise)

http://www.neopets.com/index.phtml
(This is really cute)

www.camarades.com
(view cameras, MST, keyword: sschamp)
This is Dave Online!

http://passthison.com/sketch
(an absolute must-do)

email the editor with your Nosey News
[email protected]

Joke of the Week
from Karen

Paramedics were called to the home of an elderly lady. Upon arrival they quickly assessed the situation and found the lady had a bullet wound in her left kneecap.
The first medic stated, "Madam, it looks like you have had a very nasty accident."
"No accident sir, it was my intent to commit suicide."
"Ma'am, shooting yourself in the knee is not a very effective form of suicide."
"Well, I have been considering it for some time now. I thought of many different ways of doing it. Poison, I thought would be too painful. I couldn't bring myself to slash my wrist, and gas was not foolproof enough. I decided that shooting myself in the heart would be the best method. But . . . I wasn't sure where my heart was so I called my doctor and asked him."
". . . And, he told you it was in your knee?"
"No, he told me it was two inches below my left nipple!"

Down on the Farm...
by Mike Saddlebags Weingust

Howdy Partners, this here column is coming to you straight from the back-fields of Okotoks Alberta. Here in this little town, lives a community of big hearted folks. This collection of people consists of farmers, rustlers, cattle poke, and this great little tea room that has excellent cuisine. There was this one couple I met that were kind enough to let my sex-partner and I squat for a spell on their patch of land. They had quite a clan, with Four boys and one little girl who's favorite word is WHAT!. The entire kin were very friendly and made the two of us feel quite welcome. Even their dog, (Brooklyn) Dodger, was friendly considering that he was the size of cow. The Filly of the house (Karen), was very hospitable. She cooked up this wicked dish called a chicken stir fry. She informed me that the word Okotoks means Big Rock in native Indian lingo. Now the Head Rancher (Mark), who is not quite as bow legged as myself, was quite a polite gentleman (for a cowboy that is). He didn't once ask me to clean up the cow shit that was in the corral. I would definitely go back and drink some Redeye with him. Well I guess that's just about it for now. See ya' on the Foothills.

Brag Box

 
Cindy getting ready.

Mike getting ready.

Prozac™ Moment of the Week

It's 5 a.m., we just spent 4 hours on a looonngg flight to T.O., walked very quickly about 1/2 a mile carrying 200 lbs of luggage through the airport, we get comfy on our connecting flight, going down the runway, when lo and behold we hear "This is the Captain. We are heading back to the terminal as there are warning lights flashing that a door is not closing properly. We should have it repaired in about 4 or 5 minutes."...